Crazy Together

16. Masking, Part 2: Of Masks and Mirrors

Sickness descends on the O’Kayvius household again, this time in the form of a fever and sore throat that has laid Esme low. It’s up to Marcus to employ some editing wizardry to make sure a new episode goes up on time. Did he succeed? You make the call.
  
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Sources for this episode include:
Dupree, Dale. "How to Use Sales Mirroring to Build Stronger Customer Relationships." Salesforce, 18 June 2024, www.salesforce.com/blog/mirroring-in-sales/. 
Drescher, Anna. “What Is Mirroring and How Do Narcissists Use It to Manipulate Their Victims?” Simply Psychology, 23 Jan. 2024, www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-mirroring.html. 
Larcker, David F. and O'Reilly, Charles A. and Tayan, Brian and Zakolyukina, Anastasia A., Are Narcissistic CEOs All That Bad? (October 7, 2021). Rock Center for Corporate Governance at Stanford University Working Paper Forthcoming, Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=3937526 
Cleveland Clinic. "What Is Stimming?" Health Essentials, 25 May 2023, https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-stimming/. 
Saline, Sharon, and Nathaly Pesantez. "ADHD Masking: Pretending to Be Neurotypical Is Unhealthy." ADDitude, 19 June 2024, https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-masking-signs-consequences-solutions/. 
Cuncic, Arlin. "ADHD Masking: Examples, Impact, and Coping." Verywell Mind, 10 May 2024, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-adhd-masking-5200863. 
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Masking (but not in a freaky, adult-themed party kind of way)

Marcus briefly confuses the concept of psychological masking with a more risque type of masking. Fortunately, Esme was able to explain the difference before any lasting misunderstandings were forged.
 
Marcus and Esme then define what Masking is and how it impacts the lives of neurodivergent people – with special emphasis on autistic people and people with ADHD.
  
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Sources for this episode include:
Cuffman, Carrie. "What Is Masking?" Cleveland Clinic, 18 Oct. 2024, https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-masking 
National Autistic Society. "Masking." The National Autistic Society, 2025, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking. 
Cleveland Clinic. "What Is Stimming?" Health Essentials, 25 May 2023, https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-stimming/. 
Saline, Sharon, and Nathaly Pesantez. "ADHD Masking: Pretending to Be Neurotypical Is Unhealthy." ADDitude, 19 June 2024, https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-masking-signs-consequences-solutions/. 
Cuncic, Arlin. "ADHD Masking: Examples, Impact, and Coping." Verywell Mind, 10 May 2024, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-adhd-masking-5200863. 
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Midnight—Declan DP [Audio Library Release] Music provided by Audio Library Plus Watch:    • Midnight — Declan DP | Free Backgroun...   Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/midnight-declan-dp

14. A Happy ADHD Story

Marcus and Esme tell an honest to God happy story about ADHD. But first, Marcus expounds on the brilliance of a 1980s post disco classic, and Esme reveals yet another talent. Then, the O’Kayviuses set the stakes for their happy story by reviewing a recent study that revealed a link between ADHD and reduced life expectancy for adults. Then we get to the happy story.
 
Afterwards, Marcus and Esme take a moment to discuss how closing the Department of Education and “school choice” tax credit programs could theoretically result in shortening the lives of boys and girls all across the county, and why rich people like those policies. To be clear, rich people – some of them – like school choice policies, and policies that shrink the size of government. We didn’t mean to imply they want kids to live shorter lives. They would just prefer not to think about how those policies impact kids.
 
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Sources for this episode include:
O'Nions, E., et al. (2025). Life expectancy and years of life lost for adults with diagnosed ADHD in the UK: matched cohort study. The British journal of psychiatry : the journal of mental science, 1–8. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.2024.199
Tuckman, Ari. "As He Enters Retirement, Russell Barkley Looks Back." CHADD, 2022. Web. Accessed 15 Feb 2025. <https://chadd.org/attention-article/as-he-enters-retirement-russell-barkley-looks-back/> 
"Pa. Tax Credit Scholarships 101." Commonwealth Foundation, 24 Oct. 2024, https://commonwealthfoundation.org/research/pa-tax-credit-scholarships-eitc/.  Accessed 18 Feb. 2025. 
"Vouchers, EITC, ESAs don't help students." Philadelphia Federation of Teachers, 19 Feb. 2025, https://www.pft.org/legislation/vouchers-eitc-esas-dont-help-students.   Accessed 19 Feb. 2025.
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13. Men, Mental Health, and Masculinity, Part 2

Marcus and Esme attempt to mend fences and sovereign borders with some proud, Canadian listeners. Then they continue their discussion from last week about issues impacting men’s mental health. Marcus describes his own experiences attempting to live up to the high and often unrealistic standards of traditional masculinity. Later, Marcus and Esme submit a few modest suggestions for reframing some of the best aspects of masculinity by making them more relevant for a contemporary audience. 
 
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Sources for this episode include:
Virginia Commonwealth University. "Men and Masculinities." University Counseling Services, n.d. Web. 27 Jan. 2025. https://counseling.vcu.edu/students/identity-based-resources/men-and-masculinities/ 
Mankowski, Eric S., and Rachel M. Smith. "Men’s Mental Health and Masculinities." Reference Module in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Psychology, Elsevier, 2016. Web. 27 Jan. 2025. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-397045-9.00182-8   
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12. Men, Mental Health, and Masculinity, Part 1

Marcus and Esme discuss issues impacting men’s mental health. And, while Marcus acknowledges that certain behaviors and traits associated with masculinity do appear to have an impact, he reveals that he doesn’t think the term “toxic masculinity” is very helpful. His rationale and his alternative solution are revealed in the couple’s most glorious rabbit hole to date (discussions about the magic of Tom Jones excepted, of course).
 
Marcus and Esme also explore some of the ways in which the health care and mental health industries are struggling to meet men’s needs. And finally, Marcus discusses how the classic Akira Kurosawa film Seven Samurai reveals that the essence of being a real man is not giving a s*** about what it means to be a real man. 
 
Trigger warning: This episode contains references to suicide. Listener discretion is advised.
 
If you or someone you love is in crisis, please know that hope and help is available. Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.
- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 
Connect with a trained crisis counselor. 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365. Visit the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for more information at 988lifeline.org
 
Visit our website: crazytogetherpod.com
 
Support our show:
 Buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/crazytogetherpod. 
 
Sources for this episode include:
Höhn A, et al. “Do men avoid seeking medical advice?” J Epidemiol Community Health. 2020 Jun;74(7):573-579. doi: 10.1136/jech-2019-213435. Epub 2020 Apr 17. PMID: 32303595; PMCID: PMC7337231. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7337231/#:~:text=Most%20quantitative%20research%20documenting%20patterns,for%20childbearing%20and%20birth%20control 
Elder, Keith, and Derek M Griffith. “Men's Health: Beyond Masculinity.” American journal of public health vol. 106,7 (2016): 1157. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2016.303237 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4984782/ 
National Institute of Mental Health. "Mental Illness." National Institute of Mental Health, n.d. Web. 27 Jan. 2025. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness 
Méndez-Bustos, Pablo et al. “Effectiveness of Psychotherapy on Suicidal Risk: A Systematic Review of Observational Studies.” Frontiers in psychology vol. 10 277. 19 Feb. 2019, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00277 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6389707/#:~:text=Despite%20the%20between%2Dstudy%20heterogeneity,and%20suicide%20attempts%20(37.5%25). 
National Institute of Mental Health. "Suicide." National Institute of Mental Health, n.d. Web. 27 Jan. 2025. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide 
Griffith, Derek M., Ayo Ogunbiyi, and Emily Jaeger. "Men and Mental Health: What are we missing?" AAMC, 2 Apr. 2024, https://www.aamc.org/news/men-and-mental-health-what-are-we-missing 
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11. All the Inattentive Ladies, All the Hyperactive Ladies (Put Your Hands Up)

The O’Kayviuses make their glorious return, and this time Esme is at the wheel. Esme identifies what she believes are the two biggest challenges facing women and girls when it comes to getting diagnosed with (and receiving treatment for) ADHD. Spoiler alert: they both suck. To be clear, it’s the challenges that suck and not Esme’s theories, which are supported by evidence. 
Naturally, Marcus takes the conversation down a few different rabbit holes. Sadly, none of them involve stories about soul music or its practitioners. 
 
Trigger warning: This episode contains references to disordered eating, self harm, suicidal thoughts/ideation/attempts. Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you love is dealing with these issues, please know that hope and help is available. Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.
- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org 
Connect with a trained crisis counselor. 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365. Visit the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for more information at 988lifeline.org
 
Visit our website: crazytogetherpod.com
 
Support our show:
 Buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/crazytogetherpod. 
 
Sources for this episode include:
Balch, Bridget. “Why we know so little about women’s health.” AAMC.org. March 26, 2024. https://www.aamc.org/news/why-we-know-so-little-about-women-s-health
Layne Rodgers, Anni. “We Demand Attention on the Mental and Physical Health Consequences of Late-Life Diagnoses on Women.” ADDitudemag.com. May 9, 2024. https://www.additudemag.com/life-expectancy-shortened-adhd-women/ 
National Institutes of Health. "History of Women’s Participation in Clinical Research." Office of Research on Women's Health, n.d. Web. Jan 27, 2025. https://orwh.od.nih.gov/toolkit/recruitment/history 
Eng, Ashley G. et al. “Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and the menstrual cycle: Theory and evidence.” Hormones and Behavior, Volume 158, 2024,105466, ISSN 0018-506X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.yhbeh.2023.105466 (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0018506X23001642) 
Littman, Ellen. "Rejection Sensitivity In Women and Girls: RSD with ADHD." ADDitudemag.com. June 5, 2023. https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitivity-women-adhd/ 
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. "Women and Girls." CHADD.org, n.d. Web. January 27, 2025. https://chadd.org/for-adults/women-and-girls/ 
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10. A Brief Pause

Marcus and Esme announce they are taking a short break to catch up on some work. They will return with a new episode in two weeks. 
 
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Support our show:
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9. Gratitude, but not in a woo-woo kind of way

Happy belated holidays to all! Marcus and Esme bounce back from a holiday season full of sinus infections and other complications to deliver their first episode of 2025. Yes, it was supposed to be their last episode of 2024 but cut them some slack. If they have been upfront with their audience about anything, it’s that they are by no means perfect. They’re just two crazy kids who love each other and all of you (particularly those “one-off” listeners in Germany, Norway, and Wales).
 
Visit our website: crazytogetherpod.com
 
Support our show:
 Buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/crazytogetherpod. 
 
Sources for this episode include:
UCLA Health. “Health benefits of gratitude.” uclahealth.org. March 22, 2023. https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/health-benefits-gratitude 
Bohlmeijer, E.T., Kraiss, J.T., Watkins, P. et al. Promoting Gratitude as a Resource for Sustainable Mental Health: Results of a 3-Armed Randomized Controlled Trial up to 6 Months Follow-up. J Happiness Stud 22, 1011–1032 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-020-00261-5 
 
Our theme music:
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8. Isolation and Mental Health

Esme is, as always, amazing. Fortunately, Marcus already knew this.
 
Trigger warning: This episode contains references to suicidal ideation. Listener discretion is advised.
If you or someone you love is dealing with these issues, please know that hope and help is available.
Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.
Call or text 988
Chat at 988lifeline.org 
Connect with a trained crisis counselor. 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365.
Visit the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for more information at 988lifeline.org
 
Visit our website: crazytogetherpod.com
 
Support our show
 Buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/crazytogetherpod. 
 
Sources for this episode include:
Berg, Sara, MS. “What doctors wish patients knew about social isolation.” ama-assn.org. September 15, 2023. https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/public-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-social-isolation
 
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7. Toxic Positivity, part 2

Marcus prepares Esme and himself for their upcoming re-evaluation of Yacht Rock. Then, Marucs and Esme continue their discussion about Toxic Positivity (go back and listen to episode 5 for part 1) by sharing excerpts from journalist, author, and activist Barbara Ehrenreich’s 2009 book, Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Undermined America.
 
Visit our website: crazytogetherpod.com
 
Support our show
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Sources for this episode include:
Yildirim, Ece. “Harvard-trained psychiatrist: Everyone needs these 3 new skills to succeed in today’s workplaces.” CNBC.com. December 15, 2023. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/12/15/harvard-trained-psychiatrist-new-skills-you-need-for-the-workplace.html#:~:text=In%20short%3A%20To%20succeed%20in,at%20employee%20coaching%20platform%20BetterUp.
Ozcelik, H., & Barsade, S. G. (2018). No employee an island: Workplace loneliness and job performance. Academy of Management Journal, 61(6), 2343–2366. https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2015.1066
Ehrenreich, Barbara. Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. Metropolitan Books, 2009.
 
Our theme music:
Midnight—Declan DP [Audio Library Release] Music provided by Audio Library Plus Watch:    • Midnight — Declan DP | Free Backgroun...   Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/midnight-declan-dp